hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
