yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize