My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
