she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
