He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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