Soap is not a condiment
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
