I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
