You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
