hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
