today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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