I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
