one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
