Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the day after is always just damage control
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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