She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
