I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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