I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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