OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
