Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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