This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
