we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
