Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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