In the future we'll all be gay
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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