my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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