you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
