What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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