yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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