I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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