Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize