apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
