we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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