Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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