Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
