i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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