So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
