he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
