I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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