Your face is a jimmy john
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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