you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
