you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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