Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
