I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
