my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
