the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize