I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
