I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
