I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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