If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
