so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
