He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
