Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sponge bath it is.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
