i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
