Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
