Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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