saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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