I need to stop coming to work sober
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
