Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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