So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
