READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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