so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
