Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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