I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you win again, gameday.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
