I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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