please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
