I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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