yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
