he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
