Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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