remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
