Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
