I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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