I am in a vortex of obligation.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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