That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
