you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
