Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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