dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
