You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
These tits shall not be calmed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
