It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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