i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
