I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's shark week go big or go home
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
