It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize