Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
