The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
