I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
